If the only prayer you said in your whole life was ‘thank you’ that would suffice – Meister Eckhart
When I was seventeen years old, and fresh out of high school, I met a boy. We had been at a mutual friends graduation party when I first saw him. Like a moth to flame, I was drawn to him. Anthony had that way about him. By the end of the night we had exchanged phone numbers and began dating.
Anthony was like no one I had met before. He was funny and charismatic, with a giant personality. There was something about him that I needed. He was also broken, and angry, and bitter. Life had brought him the misfortune of loosing both of his parents at a very young age. Estranged from his two siblings, he was living with friends. I wanted to fix him, show him love and take care of him. The first year of our relationship was smooth. Anthony and I spent nearly every day together and got along. He had no job, he had no car, and he had no money. But I had all of those things – so I supported him. He was profoundly creative. I was hooked on his wild dreams, imagination, and fierce mind. Our connection was intense, passionate, hot and fiery.
Early on I could sense Anthony’s possessiveness towards me. At first, I kind of liked it. It made me feel wanted and protected. After twelve months or so, that possessiveness turned to jealousy, and over the months that followed, jealousy turned to rage, that rage then turned to violence. I was in deep. At the center of an abusive relationship. In every sense of the word. Emotionally, mentally, and physically. But I didn’t want out. I just wanted things to go back to the way they were when we first met.
Life is full of lessons, and blessings. Sometimes we don’t see them until they‘re a thing of the past
That relationship destroyed me. It tore me apart. It stole every bit of self-esteem, self-worth, or love I had for myself. I was in a dark place. Deep depression, unfocused, loss of direction and interest. Those were hard days. It hurts when I remember, and I don’t ever want to feel it again.
Happiness and joy were hard to come by. On one of the worst days, I nearly lost my life at the end of a knife held at my throat as I lay defenseless on a bed, with my arms pinned to my sides. I distinctively remember thinking this can’t be it. I can’t go out like this. I’m only 19 years old.
I didn’t die that day. God had other plans for me.
I tell this story because on the days I get ahead of myself, wish things were different, or focus on what isn’t, I go back to that dark time. A time I would have given anything to have the life I have now, and I say thank you.
We have a choice each and every single day to see life as a beautiful blessing or a burden. It all depends on the mindset you wake up with. That’s why people who start their day with deep gratitude for life itself, are much happier people. When you wake up:
Choose to be Happy, Choose to be Thankful, Choose to feel Blessed
Remember when you wanted what you currently have?
Look around you, look at all those amazing things in your life. Do you remember when those very things you have now, were the very things you once wished for? They’re gifts, and we need to remember to see them that way. Pause for a moment to say thank you to the Universe for providing you with all of those wonderful things. It’ll make you feel good. Gratitude is where happiness begins. Give up on the idea that happiness is somewhere else.
Learn to love the life you already have. If you concentrate on what you don’t have, you will never have enough. There will always be something bigger, something better, something shinier. And when you finally get your hands on that one, another one will appear to take its place. The power of gratitude for that which we already have, helps rewire a pessimistic brain and trains us to become more appreciative and content over time.
Write a Gratitude List
Keeping a Gratitude Journal or making a list of things you’re grateful for is a perfect perspective shift. I love journal prompts for this, half the work is already done for you, you just may need to do a little digging for your answers. This list is for your eyes only, so don’t be shy!
Try these 5 Gratitude Prompts to get your mind moving!
- Something beautiful that I am grateful for is…
- I’m grateful for the people in my life that I feel good around. They are…
- A strength of mine for which I am grateful is…
- I’m grateful for things money can’t buy. Like…
- A struggle I overcame that I am grateful for is…
Go on….finish those sentences. Write em down. Keep em close. Tuck em in your pant pocket or your wallet or wherever you keep things near and dear to you.
And then…
Remember where you came from
Somehow, I slowly walked out of my abusive nightmare in 2003. But I was left a shell. Lifeless. I dyed my hair dark. I got a tattoo. I was lost and I wanted to die. The emotional upheaval and trauma clouded my mind. I stopped going to my college classes. I couldn’t keep a job, because I was too depressed to show up. My life at home wasn’t much better. I felt I had nothing to live for.
The only thing that kept me going, was my deep desire to have a family of my own. All the things I felt I missed out on growing up, I was going to do right with my own family someday. I dreamed about it all of the time.
As I lay in bed one night crying myself to sleep, in the depths of my despair, begging and pleading with God to please take me from this earth , please release me from this pain I feel, I heard someone answer me, You can’t leave. You’re going to be a mother. There was a warm presence speaking to me. For the first time, in a long time, I felt peace. It was my guardian Angel.
Eventually I made peace with all of it. It made me stronger. It made me who I am today. I have the scars to prove it.
That was eighteen years ago. I can’t imagine a day without my two most precious gifts; my children. I had to put in work and rebuild myself. I still work at it. The space for self-improvement is ever-changing. Expressing gratitude is part of my practice.
No matter how big or small the gesture, always say Thank You
Say thank you for the big things, say thank you for the small things. Say thank you for tall things, say thank you for all things.
Here’s a challenge! Say thank you for the things that you don’t like, but are most likely teaching you something. Now, that’s growth! There’s a lesson in there somewhere, even if you don’t want to see it.
The next time you find yourself in a situation you’re not happy with, take a step back, and see what’s in it that gives you an opportunity to show grace through gratitude. Be open to the gifts within the situation.
( Sorry about the rhyming back there. I think I told you, I taught preschool for a couple of years , a little Dr. Seuss slips off my tongue every now and then.)
Now, you’re not gonna walk around all day thanking everything and everyone – that’s not realistic, we know that. The point is to start incorporating gratitude into your daily practice. The more you do it, the more you’ll realize how much you have to be grateful for. Even in the worst of situations.
Gratitude, Gratitude, Where art thou Gratitude…?
Try this for a day; Find something to be grateful for in all you encounter along your way. People, places, things, situations and circumstances, you name it. What are you thankful for? Don’t forget everyday comforts, little life pleasures and things we take for granted. There’s lots of those!
Sometimes you have to let go of the picture of what you thought life would be like and learn to find joy in the story you are actually living – Rachel Marie Martin
Our stories are not the same. Your life doesn’t look like my life. You have your own past, your own present, and your own future. I know you’ve had hard times. Use those hard times to remind yourself of the better ones. Maybe this is your hardest time. Right now. Know it will get better. It always does. No matter how bad it seems, look for the silver lining. There is Always something to be grateful for.
Just keep going. Keep saying thank you, thank you, thank you.
Be grateful for what was, for what is, and what will be. Allow your life to unfold gracefully. A grateful heart is a magnet for miracles.
~ Heather